A Tough Time

Hey readers, how are you? I sure hope you all are well. I know I'm trying to be. Latley I have been having a very hard time coming back into the game that I love, and it'd driving me mental! I'm slower then I used to be, my jump sucks again, I can't move laterally yet, and my instinct still needs to kick in. I've been having a hrad time coming back into the swing of things (literally in some cases), and my team isn't making it any harder.

When I did my injury, I already felt bad enough, especailly when I got my soft cast. And for the 5 weeks I was in a walking cast, all I wanted was to play again. I waited a few weeks after I got it off to come back and start passing and nothing more. I went to this specail MMT, muscle 'something' therapist, which is a miracle worker, let me tell ya. It worked and I was able to play in the game the next day! I thought I played well, but my coach did not.

I think that my coach thinks that after being out for 9 weeks, he thinks that I can come back like nothing happened. Obviously he's wrong. I think he's on crack for thinking that! There is no way that with an injury like mine I would be able to come back after a 9 week break where I literally sat on my butt all day and did nothing, and come back and be normal. He snaps at me, tells me I'm doing thing's wrong, or messing up on things I shouldn't be messing up on!

And it drives me mental when I know I messed up on something that I would usually wouldn't mess up on. Why? Because it's stupid mistakes that I shouldn't be making, but I am. And he'll freak out. In volleyball, everyone knows you made a mistake, it's not like any other sport when people don't know you made a mistake. You make points off of people's mistakes. And I've been making several mistakes. I'm a starter, and that's added pressure for me, and when your starting outside messes up all the time, how does that look on you, especailly when your well known on your team.

My team is also falling apart. And that's the thing about being captain is that you need to be a leader, keep positive, and do the best you can. I have no problem with that, it comes naturally to me. But when I mess up and the whole damn team is yelling at me, I feel like crap, and I get down on myself. It's hard when the positive mind on your team isn't there and no one will step up to the plate. It's all negativity. And when your down on yourself or have no faith in yourself, it's damn hard to have faith in others and keep others motivated. I'm human, what more can I do?

I understand that I'm really sensitive latley, I've never been like this before. Eery little thing that is said to me, I snap and freak out. I can't tell you how many times I cry in practice or in games. The team is snapping on eachother, playing as individuals. People tell me to play my own game, but volleyball is a team sport, and everyone needs to play as one. It might be confusing to most, but they just don't get it. Personally I've been having a hard time, Shrimpy is too. We have a meltdown almost all the time.

About a week ago I sat on a plane for 3 hours with a team that is frustrated at me, and cried. My coach told me he didn't want me to play for him if I can't catch up in time. And knowing that the others on your team who want your position or don't like you, are loving that your falling apart makes it worst. It was a tough night. Thankfully some of the team is nice and I can talk to them. Shannon has been great, Shrimpy, Kim, amazing! But Nicole and Stacey have been a huge help. They truley know and understand what I'm going through. And my husband Ryan has been rockstar! God I love him! (And miss him!)

I hope we can move past this and start acting like a team again. We have a big game in Phily coming up and those Philly sports fans are truley sports fans. Which makes me nervous,. Their a great team, and I do not want to lose badly infront of them! If we lose, which I'm expecting we will, I hope it won't be that bad, haha! But like I always say, when life get's rough, hang tough! Thanks for reading,

Brittany #5
(@TotalBlocksicle)